Half a Step Over

Friend as Therapist         

Are you the class listener? The kid who didn’t talk a lot but sat and listened to everyone expound on school subjects, hair, who was dating whom? Maybe you were the person in the background doing a lot of the basic work so others could swoop in for the big picture? Now that you’re all grown up, are you the person people talk to—because you already know how to listen? I am.

There are talkers, and there are listeners. I’m in the second group. I also know how to keep my mouth shut, as in I try not to offer a lot of advice, and I don’t tell others about you, unless you want me to. This makes me an ex-officio therapist for some people. I’m still deciding whether that’s good or bad.

I like when people tell me things, thinking that they can trust me with what they are going through—and they can. I’m not sure I’m all that good with advice when it’s asked for, but I think a lot of people just want someone to listen. They know what they need to do to resolve a situation, but talking to yourself isn’t the same as telling another person. That makes it more real—and puts the talker into the position of doing something about it. After all, how many times can you tell the same story, have the same solution, and then do nothing about it? (Don’t try to answer that; we all know it can happen repeatedly.)

So, how do I handle the therapy issue? First, I try not to be looking at the person. I love the speaker phone because while I’m listening, I’m multi-tasking. For example, in a 20-minute rant from the phone, I can write an entire blog. Or I can get dressed—some calls are early in the morning. Or how about doing some cleaning, paying the bills—yes, a few of those still go by handwritten check left in an envelope in the mail box.

And how does the other person feel? Usually, better. They’ve had a chance to complain, whether about the same thing for the 12^th time or something new. They go off feeling better, and with some fresh views that they have figured out themselves on how to solve their problems—whether it’s the umpteenth rendition of that advice or something totally new. And more positive reinforcement for their actions, even if the “therapist” doesn’t agree.

Next patient!!