Sisterhood

I have a younger sister, a little more than 4 years younger. For a very long time, we weren’t that close. First, because I’m the older one, there are only two of us, and frankly, a lot of people ignore the younger siblings because 1) it’s the thing to do; 2) with this age gap I was hitting benchmarks first and moving on while she was still at home; and 3) our interests, outside of reading, were very different. Then, too, she’s extremely bright, which can be rather awe-inspiring. I hold my own but she’s way ahead of me. And, too, she got the math gene, which I really don’t have (we’ll skip a discussion of both geometry and calculus). I’m the married one; she’s not. I have two children; they are her only nieces.

But in the last few years some things have changed. And I think this is where layoffs have come in handy. With both of my children grown and out of the house, and a lot of free time on my hands, I started to make plans for doing more “fun” things every so often—and she decided she wanted to come along. That surprised me because my sister has a high-powered job and is always busy with clients, meetings, work. Yet this was something she wanted to do – probably because she knew she needed a break from her everyday life – so she made the time. I did the work and would offer her choices in things to do, usually museums, but based on what I consider to be a wide selection of topics/exhibits.

A few years ago, we both wanted to go to the azalea show at the Bronx Botanical Gardens, but I couldn’t make it and she ended up taking off for the afternoon and going with some co-workers. Now, the gardens, unlike the museums, require a train ride—25 minutes from Grand Central Station. And she loved all of it. So now, we go to exhibits there a couple of times a year. And we both enjoy them. Aside from all the walking—about which she complains frequently—the exhibits are beautifully done. We’ve been to the orchid show, and to the train show (twice), and to others. They’re all beautiful. And afterwards, depending on how long we’ve been in the conservatory and close-in areas, we love to take the tram that does the overview tour of the gardens, and see what’s happening. Even when nothing is in bloom, the gardens are gorgeous. Afterwards, we take the train back—and for some reason, even in late morning the train back to Manhattan is always crowded. We go to lunch and then hit a small museum, or a gallery, or just something that I’ve found to see from online sources. I’m happy to do the research.

We’ve also been to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, which is so big we go for specific exhibits only, not to just wander. We have eclectic tastes, so we’re rarely disappointed.

Overdoing

Of course, there was the day we were going to see Grant’s Tomb, and decided to walk through Riverside Park to get there. Unfortunately, we didn’t cross under the road soon enough and ended up a lot further north than we should have been. My hips and feet were dead by the time we got to 125^th Street and Amsterdam Avenue (we started at 60^th Street and 9^th Avenue) and I refused to walk back down to the tomb. I had a limit, it was very hot out, and I just wanted to head back downtown. So we did, to the Museum of Natural History, which was jammed. We opted to go to the planetarium; I think I fell asleep during the presentation—it was dark, the narration was soothing, I had already walked miles (I wear a pedometer; I had done a lot). We skipped the dinosaurs; stopped for lunch at Fairway Market; and I walked her home, then took the subway back to the train and went home. By the end of the day I had done more than 9 miles, a personal best. Fortunately, for the rest of the week I was working from home and my body could rest.

New Friendships 

But ultimately, I think we’ve formed a new relationship. One that’s a lot stronger than it used to be. Now, we talk more often, although mainly about family issues. It used to be that I wouldn’t even think to ask her about how we wanted to do family things; now, I pick up the phone or send an e-mail at least once, usually twice, a week. I sometimes even call just to chat. We talk about more than just family, sometimes our opinions agree, sometimes not.

I never dreamed that would happen, but I’m glad it did.

To Do or Not To Do: Where Is the List?

Like a lot of people, I have a to-do list. The question is: Where do I keep one? I’m crazed with this so I actually have several lists. The general ones, as in things I’d like to get done around the house, books I might want to read, things I’d just like to do, and similar ideas, live digitally. There again, I have several of those. One lives on my tablet, which I frequently take to work with me and I can see the list right out on the opening screen every time I, well, “open” it.

Digital Choices

Then there is Evernote, a digital way to keep lists, ideas, pictures. For me, it’s just for lists. Evernote lives on my laptop, my smartphone, and my tablet. I sync them whenever I make changes so, hopefully, I can find my lists whenever I want them—and add to them wherever I am. Evernote is where I keep multiple lists. So, I have a general to-do list; a supermarket list; my Costco list. At Thanksgiving time, which is a very big holiday in this household, I keep a separate shopping list, categorized by sections of the market to keep things easier.

The Paper Route

But to me, paper is really the only true way to keep a to-do list. And I have several ways to do that too. First, I have notebooks, the kind that come with bands around them and places to keep pens. Sometimes they are in my pocketbook, sometimes in a work tote bag, or sometimes just on the seat of the car. Yes, they can be a little unwieldy, but they are hugely useful when you want to make notes on what you have done. For example, I eventually want to replace my front doors. My son-in-law, who is in the renovation business, took measurements for me, and even drew a picture of the doors with the measurements needed. It all lives in the notebook; no, I don’t plan to order the doors just yet, but when I do, I have all the information I need. Plus, in a notebook I can keep an ongoing to-do list, with comments. As I finish something, I just cross it off. I can also go back into the notebooks to see what I once might have wanted to do, or to see how I handled similar topics. It offers me history to fall back on.

Then, courtesy of Levenger, I discovered vertical index cards. Everyone has the horizontal 3x5 cards, but for keeping to-do lists, the vertical cards are even better. They are much easier to keep just one list on; I don’t feel obligated to have 2 columns of thoughts because I’m on a horizontal base. These are for shorter lists, and are tossed when everything is marked off and done. Generally, I use any one card for no more than 2 or 3 days. For more important items, I usually just draw a red box around the to-do and make sure it happens first.

Everyone has a to-do system. I have a friend who for many years has sat down every night and made her list for the next day. She has even made lists for her husband so they each have their own tasks and nothing gets mixed. Mine are more stream of consciousness—as I think of what I need to do, I just write it down. It works for me.

What works for you?