Reason for Parenting

Reason for Parenting

I’m on a plane back to New Jersey. I was out of town for better than 2 weeks visiting the newest member of the family—my granddaughter, Sela. She is our first grandchild, born to our firstborn daughter. There’s something very poetic about that. And while I’m all right to be heading home, I already miss her. No, she cannot walk or talk, and probably has no idea of who I am, yet to me she is gorgeous, smart, and one of the greatest additions to our lives.

A friend of mine told me that there is an old Welsh proverb, one that I can paraphrase here but also totally agree with: there is no love so pure as that for a grandchild. To that concept I’ll raise a toast (in my case a diet soda or glass of water) and say, “Hear, Hear!” I don’t think there is anything more true Yes, I love my children, but having Sela can only expand our hearts—and theirs.

I have spent a lot of the past 2+ weeks helping my daughter out, and reassuring her that she will be a great mother (which she will) even though she’s getting very little sleep these days. I have ignored the cranky – Sela isn’t cranky, she just can’t talk yet so has to scream to make her feelings known – and been able to hold a grandchild who wants to hold her head up, even though it comes crashing down, usually on her nose, very quickly. Who thinks that standing up is a great idea—although we all know that once she pushes up there is only one way for her to go. She has a lot of patience, although when she’s in her crib and manages to roll to her side you can also see she is startled, trying to figure out where to go from there. Her hand went by her face and she was fixated on it. Helped her stop crying, although she had no idea where it came from—or where it went when she put her hand down.

I’m entranced by a baby’s ability to be totally focused on you for one second, and be totally conked out and sleeping the next. And as she’s sleeping, and making faces, you wonder what she’s dreaming. Most of the time I think they’re good dreams, but there are those grimaces I wonder about—nightmares already? Her life is good. There are regular feeding times, and diaper changes. She already knows the touch of both her parents and instantly calms down if they hold her. So, why the grimaces? Not enough adulation? We’re all in awe of her.

And the Flip Side

 And as I finish this I have to also wonder about the end of life. Less than a week after Sela was born, I lost a friend I held in high regard. No, we weren’t in touch often, but when we did speak we could just pick up where we left off as if no time had passed. Unfortunately, it seems no one I knew had even heard he was sick—and it seems he had been for a long time. But I have to admire him; knowing he was sick he continued to work and travel as much as he could. That’s how he chose to live his life; I can only hope that Sela does as well—and for longer.