Half a Step Over

The Art of Listening

I was just catching up on my blog reading—others, not mine— which made me stop and think. Do I appreciate the right thing when my child does it?

I stayed home and raised my children for 16 years. I was lucky to be able to do it. And I enjoyed being there when they got home from school, and helping them with homework—especially the projects they had to do that went beyond writing a paper or a book report. It was a wonderful time in my life. And I think I could better appreciate what they were doing because I didn’t work. Before anyone gets upset, that doesn’t mean that people who work don’t appreciate the things their children do. It’s only that, for me, when my mind wasn’t divided between work at home and work at an office (and my first office when I went back to work was very chaotic; I can get witnesses to attest to that), I concentrated better on what they were saying.

Looking back, I feel badly about that because I probably missed things. My older daughter probably needed to just talk things out more (she’s always been extremely verbal) and wasn’t asking for an opinion, just for someone to listen. And I probably offered too many opinions. I’m grateful that she still does ask for my input—and sometimes she even listens to me. I’ve been working on better hearing what she is saying these days, rather than hearing what I want to hear in the conversation.

And my younger daughter probably could have done more extracurricular activities in high school. I had just read so much on overscheduling kids that I wasn’t as aware of what she could, and wanted to, handle. Now she’s grown, and living on her own, and she probably is starting to schedule more into her life. Odd how that works. First I almost forced her not to overschedule, now I push her to get out more. But I’m also happy that she does seem to reach out to us more lately—usually while walking her dog in the evening—and does ask for our opinions. It seems to have come full circle.

New Generation to Hear 

Now I have a granddaughter and I’m thinking that as a grandmother, I really need to work on the happy medium between the two styles. We live 1700 miles from our children; it just worked out that way and since we’re still working it makes more sense for us to stay on the East Coast and not base our lives in Denver. But I still want to be able to understand how that child will think; and what his or her opinions come from. That’s where FaceTime comes in, by the way. We get to talk to her every weekend. Yes, my daughter and son-in-law are doing most of the conversing, but my granddaughter has been known to focus on our faces, appear to be into us, and when there’s a lull in the conversation, she offers a few words. One day, we’ll even understand what she’s saying—and then the real listening can begin.

Now I have a granddaughter and I’m thinking that as a grandmother, I really need to work on the happy medium between the two styles. We live 1700 miles from our children; it just worked out that way and since we’re still working it makes more sense for us to stay on the East Coast and not base our lives in Denver. But I still want to be able to understand how that child will think; and what his or her opinions come from. That’s where FaceTime comes in, by the way. We get to talk to her every weekend. Yes, my daughter and son-in-law are doing most of the conversing, but my granddaughter has been known to focus on our faces, appear to be into us, and when there’s a lull in the conversation, she offers a few words. One day, we’ll even understand what she’s saying—and then the real listening can begin.

The only thing I can think of to say for that: Praise the inventors for Skype and FaceTime.